On April 30th, author and New York Times columnist David Brooks wrote about “weavers” and “rippers”: those who actively seek to find the ties that bind us together through good and bad times, and those who look for—and enlarge—divisions that separate us from each other and our common humanity. He cites multiple polls that show Americans from both ends of the political spectrum united in the desire to do whatever it takes to deal with the current crisis. He talks about acts of selflessness and heroism that bring tears as I type.

Brooks also points out that we Americans are more united now than we have been in the almost twenty years since 9/11. I remember back then former-NY Governor, Mario Cuomo, asking what it would take for us to be selfless, kind, and united on a regular day, not just in a life-threatening emergency; and Brooks asks that question now.

It’s a good one, and one each of us can ask as we live and work together in times that push boundaries and challenge norms. Not just because we live in the midst of COVID 19, but because we and our world are changing in formerly unimaginable ways, right before our eyes, socially, technologically, and ecologically.

“Everywhere I hear the same refrain:” writes Brooks, “We’re standing at a portal to the future: we’re not going back to how it used to be.”

But where are we going; and how are we going to get there? United as weavers, or divided as rippers? What is a future we all can get behind, and how might we all participate in actively creating that future, beginning now?

Here are some questions to share with your colleagues, partners, family, and friends to support you in thinking about creating the future now:

  1. What are the changes happening in the world (social, economic, technological, environmental) that are having a big effect on the way you live and work? Think about multiple generations in the workplace, gender preferences, virtual workplaces, social and political perspectives, climate change, etc.
  2. What effects are these changes having on you and the people around you and how is everyone responding: are you “weaving” or “ripping”, or a combination of both?
  3. What does a future look like that everyone in your organization or community would be excited about creating?
  4. What if you knew it could happen? What specific actions could you take now to find commonality and take action?
  5. What would be the positive impact on you and your organization when you have accomplished this?
  6. What will you commit to doing now, and with whom?

As many of us hunker down in virtual work environments to try to keep each other healthy, our long-time collaborators, David Emerald and Donna Zajonc at TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic), send us all a wonderful reminder: 

… social distancing does NOT mean social disconnection.

We can all do our part to stay in touch with family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues during this trying period. David and Donna, recommend the following 7 points to help keep each other out of Drama and move us into the Empowerment Triangle:   

  1. Tell the truth about the current reality of this pandemic. Rather than focusing on blame, resisting, or trying to control things not in your control, surrender to the truth of this situation, even though there is much we don’t understand or know.

  2. Self-care is world care. Take responsibility for your self-care, which will help build your immune system by getting adequate sleep and nourishing food. Without a self-care plan there’s a higher risk of succumbing to fear and the Dreaded Drama Triange (DDT), which only feeds the same in others.

  3. Avoid drama conversations. One “social distance” we heartily recommend is not to engage in “ain’t it awful” exchanges, gossip, or passing on stories of doom and gloom.

  4. Be intentional about reaching out and connecting. Each morning ask yourself, “Who can I connect with today?”

  5. Share what you are grateful for, when you do connect. When others hear your gratitude list it helps evoke a positive feeling in them. Ask what they are grateful for. A gratitude practice will train your mind to look for the good, rather than feed the fear.

  6. Focus on what brings you joy and creates nourishing moments. When your heart sings there’s little room for fear.

  7. Above all be kind, patient, and compassionate. We have no idea what is going on in the life of others, so let’s give each other a break!

Read the full article here

Experience the latest TED* (the Empowerment Dynamic) work with the 3 Vital Questions to transform workplace drama, supported by a new book by David Emerald.

M&B principal, Abby Straus, is a 3 Vital Questions (3VQ)-certified trainer and we collaborate with other 3VQ practitioners throughout the country. We have incorporated 3VQ frameworks into a number of cohort-based leadership programs and offer several stand-alone workshops including virtual delivery format. 

Contact us to learn more about how you can create more Empowerment and less Drama in your team or organization.